A Day In The Life Of The Unemployed

Being without a job for as long as I have you start to notice more things. Not only does it suck not having a job, you can't just go out and do things. Things cost money. Money does not grow on trees contrary to belief. All of your friends work all day. You find yourself talking to your cat way more often then you should. I am not a phone person, but now that I have friends in Wisconsin I can at least start talking to people at 3pm our time. Daytime television is horrible, its not just a rumor, its true. I do however love 10 Years Younger. Them gays on that show are soo not subtle when it comes to pointing out your flaws. "You see this rouging up here in the mid waist? This is going to draw away attention from your bumps and bulges". Fat arms? No problem! "Wearing a three-quarter sleeve will make your arm appear to be smaller when its really not". They are ruthless! Love it!

I have been actively looking for a job since February. I took a two month vacation in Wisconsin and now it is time to get down to the nitty gritty. I look Monday through Friday, its totally a full time job. To make things harder, I am looking to get out of the mortgage industry and into something new and different. Thing is, I don't have any other experience in any other field and most companies do not want someone with a mortgage backround. I am now looking into going to school and getting a degree, but I need to fund school, so I need a full time job.

I wake up around 9am everyday and just in case my internal clock doesn't go off, my cat will wake me up. Her name is Abbey and I got her a month ago. She is seven months old and perfect. She wakes me up by walking all over me, purring and giving me massages. Then she gets more agressive, and plays in the blinds (right next to my bed) and holds them open to shine the light on my face. Mind you, the whole time she is holding the blinds open she is chasing her tail and making noise. If I decide to hit the snooze button on her again, she starts biting the toes. Bitch wants her wet food and she wants it now. I spoil the fuck out of her. So my day goes something like this: wake up, pee, eat with Abbey, clean the house (neat freak), work out, look for a job, lunch, shower, look some more, tv, dinner, look some more, and bedtime. Repeat. Of coarse my plans change daily, but thats the gest of it.

Today, I had an interview, so things were moved around. I woke up to my cat biting her leg while holding open the blinds. So I went to feed her, we race to the bowl, well, she does. I let her win. She is very talkative in the morning and anytime I return from leaving the house. Other than that, never a peep. I make my shake, turn on iTunes and clean the kitchen. I checked my email, returned some, deleted others. Checked my myspace, then off to the gym. Wow, I am even boring myself. Ok, so fast foward to my interview. I will not say who the company is, but I googled them and the only thing that came up was forums on how bad they are. I never saw a website or anything. I am already a little sketchy about the place. I walk in and see there are nine other people in the waiting area. We were going to do a group interview. I hate group interviews. The receptionist sends us all to a big conference room. All of a sudden a good looking slender white male walks in and greets us. He has a big voice and I am already naming our dogs. He starts giving this speech "Insurance, blah, blah, blah, commission, blah, blah, blah, sometimes cold calling". What? Hold the phone, I am not doing sales, let alone telemarketing or whatever the fuck. This sounds a lot like that movie with Giovanni Boiler Room. So I raise my hand and ask where the restroom was. I walked out and never looked back.

So instead I went and got my eyebrows done. Now, Carol has done my brows for about a year now, she does a great job. I just get them cleaned up boys, not really noticeable and I have a natural arch. Waxing isn't the hard part though. Its the fucking tweezing part that is painful. She gets all into it, she has the helmet with the attached magnified glasses and goes to town for what seems like twenty minutes. She gives a killer face massage after too! Despite the pain of the tweezing, I can fall asleep on the thing they put me on, everytime I have to fight to not fall asleep. After all that, bitch FUCKED UP MY EYEBROWS! She gayed them the fuck up, they are thin, not mexican fag thin, but thinner than I like them to be. It might be just my initial shock and they might grow on me, but its like my birthday month, and I know there are gonna be cameras. Can I sue? One time, before I started going to Carol this hooker spaced out my eyebrows by like two inches, I almost cried. What is up with the things the asians wear at these salons? They usually have nice expensive jeans and a top from the $2 bin at Forever 21. Horrid hair clips are also a must, and if not high end jeans, pinstripped pants or pajama pants. AND always, always high heels! Sexy.

Anywho, I think I have said enough. Looking for a job just sucks. I had an interview last week with this chick Shannon. She had to be in her mid-thirties and way fucking sexy. We had a two hour talk and about twenty-five minutes of it was business. She thinks her husband might be gay. She is having twins not her, she has a surrogate, but congrats to my new favorite MILF. She owns her one staffing company. She has hooked two of my friends up with jobs. I am keeping my fingers crossed. I am really upset I can't be the impulse buyer that I am. So wish me luck.

<3
me

PS- I was on my way to the gym in my complex and there are a ton of lizards here. They come in various sizes and scatter into the bushes when you walk by. Not this one today, it was huge!! I saw it in the corner of my eye and I had to do a doubletake. Its not that it was THAT big but it had a huge ass tail. So I looked at it, I got close and it didn't even move. It was almost like he was thinking "Have you seen my tail? What about it?" I took a pic, see below( thats a leaf in the middle of his tail). Hugs & Smooches!